Once a coward
by NejiHina100
Summary: A Rumple/third-person point of view thoughts before/ during/ after the wedding. Might be a little hard to follow so read slow. This is my first time so I hope you enjoy. :)


I love Rumbelle very much and although I keep almost crying when I replay their wedding, its a tad hard for me to be overly trilled, more than I am, because of his secret. This is what I believe might be going through Rumple's mind before, during, and after the wedding. Okay, so this is Rumple's/third-person point-of-view. It starts off with after the wedding and quickly jumps to his thoughts after he kills Zelena and onward. Also, the thought pattern takes breaks to detail out information about certain things. Because this follows my thought pattern (father says I have an abnormal thought pattern), it might be a little tricky to read so you might want to read slow so you can follow. I have done many drabbles before but this is my first full story to write and first anything to publish. Hope you like and give me some feedback please. Slight Charming family bashing. Disclaimer: All character belong to ABC'S Once Upon A Time. I owe nothing but an abnormal thought pattern.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Everything was going perfectly. Everything was going horribly. Everything was perfect and horrible. But how could this be Rumpel thought. How can everything in his life go perfect and horrible at the same time? Easy. They finally did it. They finally got married, and with no interruptions like many of their dates. He married Belle, his True Love. The woman he had lost many times. To his cowardice, her death, his cowardice again, memory lost, his suicide, the list went on and on. But finally, after so many years and troubles that they had to fight through, they finally got married.

It was a small private ceremony in the forest, next to the well where they first reunited after thirty years when the curse broke. Archie had taking the privilege of officiating the wedding after he got a license to marry especially for them and the witness to the reunion was Belle's father, Maurice, who after much thought finally decided to accept the fact that his daughter loved Rumpel with all her heart and gave her away. Oh yes, they were in wedding bliss and believed nothing could destroy this moment in their life. No enemies, no magic. Nothing.

Well, perhaps one thing. He loved her truly and would do everything in his magical and non-magical abilities to protect her. He poured is heart and soul into proposing and marrying her. Everything he had told her was true. He loved her and nothing would change that. Even if she left him. But why would she? Well, that's where the horrible part comes in.

He lied. Okay, to be honest, he never promised her but that didn't make him feel better in the slightest. In fact, it made it worst. She had wanted him to promise to not kill Zelena. She wanted him to be a better man because she believed in him and trusted him. But he knew better. He knew that Zelena would never stop who she was. He was her prisoner for a whole year and got to know her mind pretty well. He knew she had to be stopped and killed. Hell, she even asked for Regina and himself to kill her and kept throwing the notion of a second chance out the window. She killed his son. She had to die. It was simple as that. So that's what he did. The simple choice. The easy choice. The coward's choice.

He recalled stumbling through the alley, holding the real dagger in his right hand as his left hand supported him against the brick wall while he threw up. Now Rumple had only thrown up two other times in his life. Once when he was a boy and got sick after a bad meal and the second when he had his first taste of beer when he turned the proper age. But that night he felt has if he would never stop because of the guilt he held. He lied. It didn't matter wether he promised or not. He lied to the woman he loved, the woman who trusted him to make the right choice. How could he do this?

'Because you're a coward and a bastard!' his mind screamed.

This was how he felt for the rest of the night and the following days. A cowardly bastard who kept taking the easy way out and constantly lying to the woman he loved because he couldn't make the right choice. He had done many horrible things in his life and many people would testify that statement, maybe even Belle, but not one of the things he did in his 300 years could ever make him feel has he did now. He was going to loose her. Again. He knew that for sure. But not tonight.

Tonight they were getting married.

They had talked about their wedding and what would be best. They both knew that the people of Storybrooke, no matter who they be, never fully understood (or perhaps accepted) their relationship. Archie was perhaps the only one who fully accepted their love and perhaps understood, so he was more than happy to officiate when they had asked him if he would marry them. Ruby also accepted, even if she didn't fully understand. Ruby was a little hesitant at first accepting them together, believing that it was Mr. Gold that had Belle as a 'kept woman' for the 28 years of the curse when Mr. Gold came to look for Belle at the diner.

Belle's father finally gave up trying to convince Belle that Rumplestiltskin was a monster and took time to see that he had changed, if not to anyone else, at least to his daughter. Rumple had lost his son and the only family he had left was his grandson. However, they never spent anytime together since the realization of the family connection, so he didn't think Henry would be comfortable being there. Also, Henry probably still saw him as big mean Mr. Gold and well, when you have a reputation, you have to keep it up.

As for the Savior, Regina, the selfish Charming royal family, and the rest of town, perhaps they accepted but were not willing to understand, so they just let it be.

Yes, the best wedding for them was a private wedding with Archie to officiate and Maurice to witness. It was obvious where they wanted the ceremony to be held. It was at this well that they were truly reunited after the curse. After all, it was a well that returned that which was lost. Candles lit and rings ready, they began their vows.

She spoke beautifully and spoke true to her heart. No, this thing they had never was easy but to find each other again was worth it all. His heart stopped in the slightest when she mention of the flawed man beneath the monster. He tried to block it out but the knowledge of his secret stormed into his mind. But she loved him for it? How? How could this flawless woman love a man filled with flaws. Then she mentions the cup. Their cup. The teacup that has survived through death and back, just like them and their love. She had lost him to his cowardice, his darkness, and his death, but just like the teacup, they always came back to each other. She loved him for all his flaws because it was his flaws that made him part of who he was. Without them, he wouldn't be Rumpelstiltskin. However, this did not give him any permission to act in those flaws and he knew this. With this knowledge, he vowed to her that he would never forget who he once was and who he is now. A man, desperately trying his best to be a better man, for her.

He had to tell her, he just had to. His mind screamed to. He also had to wait. The gods and demons of all the worlds wouldn't stop Rumpel from enjoying his wedding night with his True Love. Because finally, here they were married and happy, no matter what lie or secret lurked in his mind. He was married to Belle, his wife, and gods be damned if he wasn't going to enjoy this night.

The next day, he woke up to find Belle lying next to him, wrapped in sheets and morning light. Truly her name did her justice. Her body, her mind, her soul, her heart, she was Beauty. While he was a Beast. Belle, in all her wonders, her unwavering faith, constant loving, and understanding forgiveness, laid next to him as his wife, because she had given him her heart and future last night. After watching her, he realized.

No.

He couldn't tell. He couldn't tell her. He wouldn't tell her.

He lost her one too many times for one too many reasons. He would not loose her again. He couldn't. He wouldn't survive, hell, the whole town wouldn't survive if he lost her. He would either go on a mass murder or annoy everyone to death with bitter moods of depression. No. He would face whatever punishment came in the future but he could not bare to tell her. After all, once a coward, always a coward, right?

If she ever learned of the truth, and because he believes that fate does not favor him she was bound to, she would leave. Or at least try and leave. Like hell he was going to let her. He lost her too many times to let her leave. He would fight, just as she always fought for him with her unwavering faith. He thought back to when he was first resurrected.

He was clothed in darkness and blinded by it. Then what do you know, a light had come and within that light was his Belle. The light of his life truly. It was rather cliche he thought but what else could he say? He remembered, no matter how foggy his mind was at the time, how she stood her ground despite her fear as the bitch ordered him to kill her. God bless that candle for helping her escape. He owed Lumiere a big favor. Perhaps turning him human would do the trick. Belle did promise him he would do that.

She even ventured down into a dark cellar to try and rescue him. What shocked him the most was at the hospital. Why had she come alone? (He would have to ask her.) She stood her ground against the witch and gave her a piece of her mind. Oh his beautiful brave Belle. However, like the hopeless Merry Men, Zelena, with a simple wave of her hand, caused Belle to faint. Fortunately, he was close enough to catch her and lay her down on the ground. Unfortunately, he was ordered to leave his True Love on the ground. Belle, always brave. Always fighting for him.

It was about time he started fighting for her. He wasn't going lose her again without a fight. No, he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth but when the time came, he would fight. Zelena, Pan, Cora, Regina, the dagger, throw whatever enemy, new or old, you can at him, he would fight them all to tell Belle how he feels. He would tell her everything. Maybe not right now, maybe not even tomorrow (after all he's a coward) but when the time comes and she learns the truth, he would fight. He would not let her leave without her know everything. He may not be ready to be honest but he was ready to fight.

Yes. Everything felt perfect. He was married to is True Love. Yes. Everything felt horrible. He secretly started his marriage on a lie, no matter how much he loved her, he knew that was wrong and he would pay the price later. Right now, with everything being so perfect, he knew that this was simply the calm before the storm. Oh well, let the storm rage on, he would fight.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Thanks for reading! Again, please review and let me know what you think. Was it too hard to follow? Kept going off track? Please review! Thank again for reading :)


End file.
